Security at the London 2012 games has been bolstered today after ministers confirmed they were in the final stages of commissioning a giant fighting robot.
“It is simply marvelous,” said Defence Secretary Philip Hammond. “It cost nearly the entire budget, and is the fruition of ten years worth of army supply shortages.”
“It’s completely environmentally friendly too.”
The meat-powered warmachine is rumoured to maintain operational for extended periods by ‘eating’ the poor, an inexhaustible source of renewable energy.
“It basically just sucks them up, tracksuits and all” confirmed Mr. Hammond.
“Obviously we cannot go into details about exact technical specifications, but it has reinforced armour-plate and is armed with a considerable amount of firepower, including surface to air missiles, a huge chainsaw arm and flame-throwers for eyes.”
The two-hundred foot metal behemoth, carved in the likeness of Margaret Thatcher, is to be deployed in an effort to combat terrorism, as well as threats from outer-space and gigantic Japanese lizards which could cause “considerable disruption” to the Games.
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| The 2008 Bejing Olympics was marred by a fight between Godzilla and King Kong. |
Little more is known about the robot, which has been christened “Her Majesty’s Worldfucker”, apart from that it has two giant amplifiers mounted on the shoulders and a fifty-foot George Cross covering the torso. In test-runs, it has been blasting out ‘Jerusalem’ whilst stomping around Exmoor annihilating targets with contemptuous ease.
“We are prepared right up till the Second Coming of Christ,” added the Defence Secretary.
It has been described by army-chiefs as “a supreme example of Britain’s cutting edge military hardware” and “fucking sweet.”
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