Reaping the Whirlwind

There is a shadow over Europe.


No, it's not the Nazi's, not even in zombie form. It's the phone hacking scandal, a truely epic nightmare reserved just for the upper echelons of society that just seems to get worse every day. Like a daemonic Duracell bunny, it just keeps going and going and going, claiming an endless stream of victims. The net result is some sort of obsence free for all, which involves all the guilty parties kicking lumps off each other like a Halifax street brawl. Papers admit bribing cops and hacking phones, politicians condemn everyone except themselves, everyone bundles in on the politicians for being spineless cads who crawled through the dirt for media favour, and a throughly embarrassed Met police - already fresh from a multitude of recent beatings - responds by arresting just about anyone who ever owned a telephone. For the main players - at least from News International's side of the fence, check out this Rogue's Gallery: Andy Coulson, Rebekah Brooks, Les Hinton and Rupert Murdoch.

 

The Corporation will now lead us in prayer.

To say that I don't know many people who have been particularly over-interested in what our not-so-benevolent dictators have been up to, the fallout has been immense. Resignations, the collapse of News of the World, the decapitation of News International, printed apologies, and withdrawing the BSkyB bit just to name a few. And it doesn't seem to get any better. David Cameron flounders as new revelations, literally every hour, engross him in the scandal by his association with 'friend' Coulson. The Met Police just seem to be completely lost, going as far as to describe their previous investigation as 'crap', and now floundering in a mess very much of their own making. Two hundred journalists at News of the World were shamelessly sacrificed for Brooks' continued career, which has come to a crashing end.


As soon as the FBI got involved, you knew the story was starting to get a bit silly. It has become a self-perpetuating - possibily even self-aware - monster that grows in size with each passing moment. The funny thing is, public outrage has been described, although this intrepid young blogger hasn't so much as overheard it in a pub. And call me cynical, but aren't we all a bit jaded with it by now. Reporters bribing cops and doing seedy things? No, really? Cops selling phone numbers and opening doors for people? Surely not. Politicians pandering to media moguls, involving themselves in every public outrage because there's a general feeling that just to be seen is a good thing? No one could be so shameless.

Anyway, not a particularly funny one today. I've been at a bit of a loss, and not having the internet hasn't helped a great deal. For those of you actually interested in phone hacking, Newsweeks article is very good. It is so good, in fact, I'll sum up by lifting a quote directly from it.

As one of his former top executives—once a close aide—told me, “This scandal and all its implications could not have happened anywhere else. Only in Murdoch’s orbit. The hacking at News of the World was done on an industrial scale. More than anyone, Murdoch invented and established this culture in the newsroom, where you do whatever it takes to get the story, take no prisoners, destroy the competition, and the end will justify the means.”

“In the end, what you sow is what you reap,” said this same executive. “Now Murdoch is a victim of the culture that he created. It is a logical conclusion, and it is his people at the top who encouraged lawbreaking and hacking phones and condoned it.”

True Colours

I did originally intend to do this about a week ago, when people's Facebook Status' were all full of news updates on the Public Sector strikes. So here you go, Ed Miliband being, well...


It should be blindingly obvious.

Leader of the Labour Party, head of the Opposition, and all round good guy Ed Miliband decides to do an interview for the BBC. Unfortunately, Ed has only managed to prepare a single paragraph worth of material, which he repeats four to five times over the course of the discussion.

"These strikes are wrong."

So, Ed, better the Devil you know?

I did note with passing amusement that quite a few Labour sympathisers on my newsfeed were condemning the attitude taken by the Tory and Liberal government, praising their party and generally adopting the fingers-in-ears approach. These people labour under a severe misaprehension that the Labour Party actually cares about workers. Well, it doesn't. It instead, under Miliband, has continued the Torification of British Politics by presenting alternative politics as just meaning alternative faces. Check it out. It's Ed's Leader's speech, and if you can stomach it for long enough, you'll see just how much an alternative he really is.

But before this gets too in depth and dry, there are other issues with Ed Miliband.

1) He reminds me of Rik Mayall's character Alan B'stard, from The New Statesman. There's just something creepy and insincere about him, like a robot wearing his skin and attempting to mimic human emotion. Can you believe this man has raised Labour's profile to the highest it has been since 2002?

Lock up your wives and children.

2) He is repetative. Sorry Ed, but you are. All he did for the entirity of that interview was mix up the words "strikes, wrong, parents, inconvenience, rhetoric, government, talks, ongoing." The order of these words was rearranged throughout the discussion, but no new words were added. It should be remixed by some internet peeps. It has all the gnawing thumping of a bad dance track.

3) His brother is so much cooler. Check this out.

Samuel Jackson

Ed Miliband's badass brother

Basically, between the suit and the fro, David Miliband looks like a nerdy white version of Samuel Jackson from Pulp Fiction. Coincidence? I think not, motherfucker. Now if anyone could put the fear of god into David Cameron, it'd be David Miliband giving the "And you will know my name is the Lord, when I lay my vengeance upon thee..." speech right before he blows him away.

4) Ed, you are boring, monotone, grey, limp and wet. I'm sorry, but you are the Couscous of Politics. Most of the time you look like a startled deer anyway. Give up and turn back, before it's too late.

So, lets recap.

For anyone who had a shred of faith in human decency and the goodness of the labour party, you're wrong. It's over, it is finished. Listen to his speeches, and just look at the guy. Labour are not even keeping up the pretense of looking out for people. They are the fluffy Conservative party, which somehow makes me hate them more. The Conservatives I dislike with every fibre of my being, but at least they're as cold as a bastard and cutting as a razor's edge.They're at least a second rate Bond villan.

Labour offend me by the very fact they're are pretty inoffensive, dull, uninteresting and have no conviction at all. But hey, I've known all this for some time, but for everyone else's benefit, this should be the last straw. You can at least see that they've choked the basic human decency out of themselves until their ties turn blue.

Have You Seen This Tree?

WANTED: Dead or Alive

Murderous Poplar Tree - "Not so 'Poplar' anymore"*

A young girl was tragically killed by a branch thrown by this tree as she sat on a bench on Thursday. The tree was last scene in the Yaxley park area. It is described by police as fifty feet tall and incredibly dangerous. The public are strongly advised to avoid the tree, and contact police if they spot it. The tree is believed to be colluding with striking teachers, who yesterday sent a chilling video to the Daily Mail.

The video shows three masked teachers brandishing knives and Russian-made Klashnikov assault rifles with a banner reading 'N-U-T' behind them. Their message is clear, despite the shakey camera work.

"David Cameron and Nick Clegg, let us be clear. We have shown our determination. We are prepared to kill again."

If you tolerate this, your children will be next.

....

And back in the real world. What?

This is a blog directly... ...inspired...(?) ...by the Daily Mail article which blames teachers for killing a young girl via the medium of striking. If you didn't read the article I posted above...

READ IT NOW.

In the article, detailing the tragic death of a young girl, the bile inducing hacks at the Daily Mail, for whom - in all serious, satire aside - there is a special place in Hell, strikes and industrial action are reffered to eight times. Eight times. The basic breakdown is that if those selfish teachers had not been on strike, she would have been in school, and thus, not dead. The article also blames council workers for not taking the tree down sooner as it was a known menace. In the comments section, at the moment*, someone blames poor parenting for allowing the teenager to be in the park in the first place.


When I started writing this, I thought I might write something interesting or funny, but basically, the best I can manage is blind rage. You win, internet troll. You got me angry. I hope whoever wrote this article dies in the next twelve hours, screaming in angoy while their nearest and dearest walk solmenly past, shaking their heads. The Daily Mail has always been unfit to wipe the arse of a vindaloo-gobbling dog, but this is too much. Not only are you wrong, DM, but you've reached a microsopic level of pathetic, vomit inducing, whinging. I know a lot of words synonymous with contempt, but there aren't any I can use to describe my thoughts right now.

Highjack someone's grief to take a cheap shot at hardworking people.

Way to go, dicks.

*This gem is from my lovely ladyfriend.
*Before this horrendous article undoubtedly goes viral