Get it Right

"Learn the lessons of Iraq," Blair warns Cameron

Former Prime Minister Tony Blair has hit out at David Cameron's proposed extermination of the poor, calling welfare reforms "slow, costly, and and inefficient."

"You cannot destroy an entire civilization by slowly strangling it economically," said Mr. Blair. "If David Cameron is serious about the wholesale genocide of the working class, then he should look at historical examples. We imposed sanctions on Iraq from before the first Gulf War, and while we starved thousands of Iraqi citizens to a slow and painful death, ultimately, it did not work."

"In the end, we achieved more by bombing the shit out of Iraq than we ever did with sanctions. If it wasn't for international pressure and the attention of the world's media, I'm fairly confident we could have killed them all. You cannot conduct the successful extermination of Britain's populace if your mortality rate does not exceed population growth. It is simple economics. Bloody, violent economics of human suffering."

"I would be Prime Minister again," added Mr. Blair, "And where Mr. Cameron would fuck you slowly, I will give it to the people of Britain rough and unsheathed."

I'm prepared to kill again.

Downing Street hit back at the allegations of waste.

"What benefit do we reap from killing the poor?" laughed Defence Secretary Phillip Hammond. "If we starve and oppress them while crucially leaving enough alive, we should have ample fuel for our new meat-powered fighting robot."

The robot, a two hundred foot behemoth carved into the likeness of Margret Thatcher, will initially be used to defend the Olympic games against extraterrestrial threats, Japanese dinosaurs and humungous gorillas.