Surreality

Sometimes you have those moments where the world has just taken a turn for the surreal again. It's completely out of the blue, and renders any further attempt at comprehension completely pointless by the sheer weirdness of it all. This is the 'Ok... Wait, what?" moment, in academic terms. It happens all the time, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who notices.*  So here's a selection of a few strange things that recently left me speechless.

Twilight, Breaking Dawn: Part I.
No, I haven't seen it. Not all of it. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

And the wrong place was work, and the wrong time was the bit where I happened to walk in on Robert Pattinson performing an oral caesarean on his pregnant girlfriend.

That's right folks, he eats the baby out of her uterus.

When the first vampire doctor starts freaking out over the blood - highlighting a really obvious flaw in that line of work - the pregnant Bella goes into complete meltdown and starts dying. The werewolf guy, whoever he is, won't perform the surgery because he is filled with existential angst, or something, so it falls to Edward to save his girlfriend's life by delivering the baby himself. He does this by eating at her stomach. Yeah, honestly. That's seriously what happens. I haven't witnessed anything so surreal as Robert Pattinson eating someones womb. Not in a film aimed at teenage girls, anyway. It'd be like Heath Ledger smearing the walls with faeces while chanting in Latin in Ten Things I Hate About You.

Stand back. I'm a doctor.

Period Features

I just read this in the Metro today during an extended train journey through just about every part of the country. Although it was initially reported seven weeks ago by the Daily Mail, which shows the quality of journalism these days. The only reason I can imagine it making the Mail is because they presumably thought someone would get turned on by it.

Norwegian boss makes women wear bracelets when on their period

I'm sure we'll all laugh about this later. Or not.

Newt Gingrich plans to Conquer the Moon

Don't make promises you can't keep.

Presidential hopeful, wingnut republican and Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse Newt Gingrich plans to build a base on the moon. Hopefully he can go live in it, and leave the rest of the sanity-loving world in peace. If this guy actually gets into office, my last shred of hope in humanity will be gone. Alright, I lost it ages ago, but still. America, I'm begging you, don't do it.


*Please God, tell me I'm not the only one.