Stating the Obvious

Being the young, optimistic and forward thinking guy that I am, I'd like to thing that we, humans, as a species of uniquely intelligent and civilised beings, have moved on. We have a vast wealth of historic experience and cultural values to draw on. Basically, some things go without saying.

Don't punch a camel in the face. Don't piss into the wind. Don't drink bleach. Don't rape anyone.

Yeah, that last bit. Don't rape anyone.

Now, people don't need to be told not to rape anyone, right? Wrong, apparently we do. And thanks be to god, apparently it works.

"Don't be that guy"

The 'Don't Be That Guy' ad campaign ran in Vancouver in 2011. In just six months, it has been credited with a 10% drop in sexual assaults, stopping a trend that has been on the rise for several years. For anyone too lazy to click on the above link, it's a poster that depicts a young woman in a little black dress passed out on a sofa surrounded by empty bottles of wine. The caption states, "Just because she isn't saying no doesn't means she is saying yes. Sex without consent = sexual assault. Don't Be That Guy."

I'm all in favour, but you know it's endemic of a wider problem in western society. You know that we, as a species, are doomed to a fiery apocalypse if you have to run a marketing campaign to convince people not to molest women. You have to sell people the idea of respecting others. The main impact is delivered by saying, "C'mon guys, don't be like that guy. No one wants to be that guy. He's a rapist". We have a serious, serious problem.

Bill Murray tackles the problem head on.

The main issue* that the billboard is addressing is the notion that silence, hesitation/awkwardness, or emotional/physical coercion is the same as consent. The startling reality is that people take it at face value, and that they need reminding this is not the case, even though realistically only an idiot or someone who has already decided they're getting laid regardless could miss that one.

"You can say stop this at any point. Just take the bag off your head and speak clearly into the microphone."

I don't need to tell you why it's a flawed premise, but I'm going to do anyway.

Why the absence of no does not mean yes.

I'm outside someones house, it's late, and they're passed out drunk on the sofa. I knock, softly, on the door because I'm a red-blooded man and I really want to drive their car. It's parked outside. There's no answer, so I try tapping on the window and calling 'can I borrow your car?'. This can go on and on, I can gently caress the car in a creepy manner, wondering how long it will be before all the lights come on and someone says 'I'm not comfortable with you touching my car like that.' After twenty minutes, a reasonable time I think, I just smash the window and drive off with it. No harm, no foul, right?

Anyone can see that you've just robbed someone. You've taken their stuff, without their consent, and made off with it basically because you wanted to have it. How much more applicable is this scenario when we're not talking about an object? When we're talking about a flesh and blood person, with real feelings and emotions? When you're talking about someones body, arguably their most personal possession? Screw the car. Frankly, it was the best idea I came up with in thirty seconds and I'm already seeing how demeaning it is comparing rape to grand-theft auto.

In any scenario outside of sex or physical intimacy, taking something that isn't yours is considered a dickish move at best*.  When we're talking about consent in sex, well, we shouldn't be talking about it. It's paramount. The idea that you can have any sort of sexual activity without consent and that is fine and acceptable behaviour is just wrong. Even typing it makes me feel like an idiot. Did you know that the sky is blue? Of course it fucking is.

That's the simple eloquence of the 'Don't Be That Guy' campaign, in my mind. If men are expected to behave in a predatory way, and if you think getting touchy with someone is just a bit of fun, or if you think the awkward silence just means she's being coy, you're wrong. You're being a dick. Don't be a dick.

It's both refreshing and terrifying to see that a simple, "Don't do that, you pervert" strategy can work so well. I hope the work that people have put in to changing attitudes and asserting the right of women to be a person and not an object continues. But it's sad that in a vibrant, cosmopolitan, wealthy, first world city like Vancouver, you need to state the obvious. In that respect, it's just another reason to put the gun in your mouth.

*To me. There are a lot of issues, positive and negative around this campaign, although the idea is to be simple and straightforward.  I've left all the really deep stuff to the experts. A more concise list of issues offered by more intelligent women on this website. Which is a good read, even if you weren't planning on raping anyone today.
*Circumstances pending, I suppose. Like stealing a cop car.