Except That It Is.

Ken Clarke has messed up. It is to be expected of a cuddly, bumbling politician of seventy years of age, who has spent the last thirty in government and looks like someones grandfather. But it is unusual for Ken, who manages to sit on the boards of hedge funds and tobacco companies in his spare time. Ken Clarke is Ken Clarke, except when he isn't. That's what Internet Blog, Beneath the Wig, says about Ken Clarke's recent comments that rape is, sometimes, not rape.

"These are not the droids you're looking for."

Beneath the Wig is on to something. The classic formula for winning an argument.

Step one, you create a Strawman - in this case, blame the interviewer for asking questions that were too hard for a seasoned politician who is also the Justice Secretary to deal with. 'Wiggy' labours under the impression that journalists should know everything, all the time, forever, and not ask difficult questions. People asking difficult questions should expect difficult answers, right? And the public has no right to express righteous indignation.

While constructing your strawman argument, it is important to focus on irrelevant issues such as the journalist's personal background, and things with no legal basis that are completely irrelevant to the discussion - the legal age of consent. Rape, ergo, is not rape, if it is a seventeen year old having consensual intercourse with a fifteen year old. Ken Clarke said that, and to some degree, we can all sympathize with that. Wiggy makes a big point about this. Apart from that's not the thing that offended people. What offended people was Clarke suggesting that not all rape was 'as serious'.

Step 2: ???

I don't know what this step is.

Step 3: Profit

As evidenced by people leaping to the beleaguered Justice Secretary's defence. Because rape is rape, except when it isn't.

Personally, I'm with Victoria. Rape, is, surprisingly, rape. It's an unfortunate coincidence that two identical words with identical definitions should be regarded as identical, but thems the breaks. Rape is rape. What 'Wiggy' was talking about, was in fact, not rape. So not rape is not rape, except when it is rape. This is starting to look like a theatrical script for GRIMDARK theatre written by Donald Rumsfeld. Ten points to anyone who knows what I'm talking about.

So lets look again, this time from another perspective, no less bias - but with the advantage of using actual quotations. Read all about it: Outrage as seventy year old Tory causes outrage.

So Ken Clarke was told that rape is rape. He responded by saying, "no, its not". I mean, I didn't expect a grizzly old male Tory to even be able to comprehend the thing he was talking about, but I'm still somewhat disappointed.


""date rape can be as serious as the worst rapes but date rapes ... in my very old experience of being in trials ... they do vary extraordinarily one from another, and in the end the judge has to decide on the circumstances.""
- Reuters

So, basically, date rape is often not as serious as 'the worst rapes'. That would be an awful job. Can you imagine sitting in a cubicle for eight hours a day, typing up criteria to distinguish 'normal' rape from 'the worst rape' or 'date rape'. I think I'd top myself, to be honest, and anyone else caught in the spray of bullets caused by me going postal. 

Said Justice Secretary obviously doesn't know people who verge on the more philosophical end of the Gender Studies seminars. Because rape is rape when consent isn't given. That's pretty much it. There can be a lot more said about it, but it's generally a black and white scenario. It's not a tough definition. I don't see an extraordinary amount of variance between raping someone and raping someone. I'm trying, Ken, I really am, but rape is rape, isn't it?


It's not often I find myself siding with Ed Miliband. So I'm not siding with him, but still. Eddy says that Ken Clarke can't represent people as a Justice Secretary that doesn't know what he's talking about. He can't. Anarchist perspectives on politicians aside, this takes the biscuit. Except when it doesn't.

But old Ken does have one point. He is very old, and very experienced at this sort of thing. And given that about six percent of all rape allegations - the ones that get reported - actually end in a conviction, rape must clearly not be rape in 94% of scenario's, right?

Still, he's obviously old and tired and when journalists are asking things that are too hard to answer, we might be being unkind by keeping him in a job anyway. I think it might be time for this horse to be put out to pasture. And horse is horse, except when it's Ken Clarke. And pasture is pasture, except when it is 'get shot in the face'.

Such is my level of internet fuelled rage, two updates in one day is definately a record. Except when it isn't.