Diagonsis: Porpoise

There's been a lot to talk about recently, but I'll bite. I left my notebook at home so all the pseudo witticisms I'd scribbled down over the past week are somewhere else. But still, I figured it was time for another more entertaining update than me droning on about politics stuff, so here's a bone.

Dick van Dyke was saved by porpoises.

Yeah, Dick van Dyke was saved from certain death in the middle of the ocean by a pod of friendly porpoises. Really, that's it. That's all I've got. The other link was from the Daily Mail, but as soon as I clicked on it the screaming voices in my head started again and I was vomiting blood onto the keyboard. I decided not to use it. I think I passed out. Luckily for Dick, these porpoises were friendly, unlike their flesh-eating cousins, the Porporaptors, who can devour an entire cow in seconds.

Anyway, if the best I can muster today is porpoise salvation, I guess this makes it a relatively short blog post. I'm sure you're all breathing a collective sigh of relief. It's a shame there were no porpoises off the coast of Somalia about a year ago, but that worked out alright too in the end, more or less, and porpoises can't be everywhere at once. Much like BBC News, who managed to report on the immaculate conception of baby snakes only ten days after I first read it in the Metro. Such an important story should have been covered by our first rate news service, but for some reason they've been preoccupied with other cold blooded reptiles - Phil Woolas and Ian Duncan Smith, mainly.

But for people who don't like snakes, you're still in for a treat. My amazing link-following abilities also discovered this gem. Two grown men wrestling with an angry python in McDonalds carpark. I'm lovin' it.

Finally, if anyone ever wondered why it was impossible to get fresh crabs from vending machines, wonder no longer because it is now possible. If they did that in the UK, I would probably spend all day buying crabs to leave in taxis, on buses and inside the tea and coffee cupboard at work.

Alright, it was a fairly lame attempt today, tune in again soon for some Harriet Harman bashing, an explaination as to why technology is possessed by daemons, and why Fable III will give people nightmares.