Women According to Billy Joel

Being recently reminded of the John Lewis advert that optimistically shows a young child rapidly aging until she's stood, windswept and ancient, in a field of corn, I decided to look up the backing song for it. Here it is: Always a Woman, by Billy Joel. This is the Fyfe Dangerfield version. I don't have to tell you why I picked Fyfe's version over Billy Joel, but if someone called Dangerfield told you to play his cover, you damn well would.

So, because it's always interesting to take a look at misogynism within the Arts, I will now attempt to categorise what I, as a young male, have learned about women from Billy Joel:

Always a Woman

She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies 

Jesus, we're off to a bad start
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child, but she's always a woman to me
She is dangerous, cautious, cowardly, childlike.

She can lead you to love, she can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth, but she'll never believe you
And she'll take what you give her as long it's free
Yeah, She steals like a thief, but she's always a woman to me

She doesn't care about you, she won't listen, she's a skeptic, she's a Pikey, she's a thief.

CHORUS
Ohhh... she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants, she's ahead of her time
Ohhh... and she never gives out
And she never gives in, she just changes her mind
She is independent (wow, positive), patient, strong willed, but also indecisive.

And she'll promise you more than the garden of Eden
Then she'll carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleeding
But she'll bring out the best and the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself 'cause she's always a woman to me
She makes exagerated promises. She is careless. She is violent. She mocks the weak. She encourages schizophrenia, and it's my fault.

She's frequently kind and she's suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases, she's nobody's fool
And she can't be convicted, she's earned her degree
And the most she will do is throw shadows at you,
But she's always a woman to me

She will turn on you in a second. She is selfish, and maliciously cunning. She cannot go to prision, she has been to university. She manipulates light and darkness.

Basically, Women According to Billy Joel are pretty fucking dangerous, while somehow managing to also be miserable, wretched creatures. I wonder if anyone actually buys into this. It is unfathomable, and smacks of chauvinistic and chivarlous notions of vunerable and incomprehensible women-folk, and the hell they inflict on honest men.

I don't think I even need to go into why this is stupid. I'm not even sure I could.